


Veneer

by IcyxHearts



Category: Digimon - All Media Types, Digimon Adventure Zero Two | Digimon Adventure 02
Genre: Anorexia, Bulimia, EDNOS, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Eating Disorders, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-04
Updated: 2018-05-23
Packaged: 2018-12-10 23:27:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 14,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11702070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IcyxHearts/pseuds/IcyxHearts
Summary: Iori Hida may have been young at the time but he still so easily recalls the blindingly brilliant Takeru he met in that elevator the morning of his first day of 3rd year.!Trigger Warning for Eating Disorder content, vomiting, and human/digimon relationship.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> TW: Eating disorder content! Its major and constant, and will likely make the work unreadable if you are triggered by things like that.
> 
> TW: Emetophobia / Vomit TW
> 
> TW: Angekeru. M/M Digimon/Human relationship.

Liquid splashes in the sink as the tap is turned, the sound of rushing water filling the small bathroom. Takeru shoves his hands under the flow of cool water and rubs the clean fingers of this left hand over the digits on his right, still sticky with saliva. He catches a glimpse of his reddened knuckles under the clear stream before he closes his eyes to splash some water on his face. He can't go back out there looking like hell, and that's exactly how he currently looks. His eyes and cheeks are puffy and red and his nose is running.

They're supposed to be celebrating, its not every day he turns 16. Five hundred and ninety. He can't remember how long it's been since he would have thought of it as _birthday cake_ instead of numbers. And that's not even counting the dinner that went along with the decedent Italian cream cake. But how could he refuse? All of his friends had gathered together to make his birthday special. Mimi had even flown in from America! He couldn't throw it back in their faces after they went through all that trouble for him. So he'd accompanied them to the restaurant. He'd ordered from the menu, carefully picking out the lowest calorie option that wouldn't arise too much suspicion. He'd thought he could handle this. And he had been doing fine, right up until the cake arrived. Five hundred and ninety. That was as much as his whole meal! That would double his intake for the day and _that_ was a terrifying thought. But the cake looked delicious and all his friends were watching him, waiting for him to take the first piece. So he reached out.

He shouldn't linger too long in the bathroom. Thankfully the redness around his eyes is quickly clearing up. He picks his hat up off the counter and pulls it back on as he leaves the room. No one is on the other side of the door, much to his relief. He carefully makes his way around the corner and back through the throng of tables to his group. They looked to be settling the bill, people counting out cash and pulling out cards. He feels woozy. His legs shake. Out of the corner of his eye he could swear he sees Iori watching him with a strange stare, but he blinks and the look is gone. He grabs the customer copy of the receipt, trying to get his addled brain to do math long enough to figure out how much he owes. Before he can come close the receipt is pulled from his grasp.

“No way, little bro, its your birthday! We've got this.” He would argue, insist they did more than enough just bringing him here, but his legs are shaking and everything seems to be tilting slightly to the left, including the floor. So he relents. He doesn't grab for the receipt again.

Logically, he is sure the train ride home was filled with friendly chatter but looking back he can't recall a thing that was said. He remembers the number though, like it's still peaking up at him from the long since discarded cake label. He leaves the train in a fog. Its always like this, after purging. It wipes him out completely. He doesn't do it frequently, usually the calories don't even make it in to his body to begin with. Sometimes though, there's nothing else that can be done.

The moment he opens the door he's greeted by a sight that he can't help but smile at. His beloved Angemon is sitting at the table in the kitchenette, his large wings folded carefully to his back to allow him to sit in the comparatively small chair. Sitting opposite of him is Takeru's mother. When they hear the door open they both turn and smile so lovingly at him that for a moment things seem okay.

He collapses in to bed, his eyes closing before he's even hit the mattress. Its 7:30 but the only thing he wants is the sight of the inside of his eyelids. He was supposed to be up. Supposed to be changing and going back out to the living area. Supposed to be spending part of his birthday with his mother, like a good son. But clearly that isn't happening. He's so tired. He tells himself he's just resting his eyes, just going to wait for his body to stop feeling so heavy. He doesn't hear the door open, barely registers when Angemon drapes a blanket over him. His digimon shines so brightly, how did someone as broken as him get something so beautiful for a partner?


	2. Chapter 2

Mornings are hard, especially Monday mornings. His mother has already left for the day when he crawls out of bed still in his rumpled clothes from the night before. Breakfast. It's the first thing on his mind as it wakes. _What's for breakfast?_ He'll eat breakfast, he assures himself. But not yet. He can't stand to be in his dirty clothes for another minute. If he tells himself firmly enough then maybe he'll believe it. He'll have breakfast after a shower. He climbs carefully down the ladder, feet coming to rest softly on the plush rug. The bed is a holdover from before the divorce, back when he and Matt still shared a room. Back before his family and his life fell apart. He pauses to look at the bottom bunk, smiling to himself. Angemon is dozing on the small twin mattress, one arm thrown over his eyes to block out the light. Good. He slowly pads to the bathroom, trying to avoid the squeakier parts of the floor. If he wakes Angemon then he'll worry, and he couldn't do that to his digimon.

Entering the bathroom he adjusts the taps. Steam begins to fill the bathroom and cloud the mirrors. He lets the water run, waits until they've completely fogged over, before pulling his shirt over his head. He lays it on the counter and tugs off his pants, socks, and underwear before adding them to the pile. Thought the mirrors are completely fogged over he keeps his eyes down, avoiding them just to be safe. Moving to the small glass bathroom scale in the corner, he hesitating only a moment before taking a deep breath and stepping on. Fifty point nine kilograms. And then it's in to the shower before he's tempted to look at his body. That never ends well.

Once his shower is over he redresses quickly before it's back to the question. _What's for breakfast?_ Well, he can't eat yet, he has to prepare for school. Did he do his homework? He can't remember. That's probably a no then. Maybe Hikari will let him copy hers if he hurries to meet her before class. Where is his school bag? He scans the room, finding it leaning against a bed post. Quietly he creeps towards the bed, slowly lifting the bag and retreating to the kitchen. For such an amazing warrior Angemon can sleep through anything, he thinks. But he supposes it makes sense, he was always like that as Patamon as well. 

_What's for breakfast?_ Now he's in the kitchen, but it's not time to eat just yet. His mother left her coffee cup half full on the table again. He should wash it, before it stains. While he's at it, he'll just wash all the dishes in the sink, there are a few piling up anyway. He grabs the dish soap and a sponge from under the sink and gets to work. It only takes a few minutes, but that's a few minutes he doesn't have to think bout food. He'll eat breakfast soon, there are just a few more things to do to tidy up around the house.

He gets lost in his cleaning and before he knows it its almost time to leave for school, at least if he wants to have any chance of catching up with Hikari. His eyes glance to the fridge, _What's for breakfast?_ , and he creeps closer to open it. There's a variety of leftovers from the nights before last as well as an assortment of snack foods and fresh fruit. Everything looks good. He tells himself it looks revolting. Staring in to the fridge is always so unproductive, he chides himself. He needs to get to school. He closes the door and takes a few steps towards his bag before stopping and going back. The fridge light flashes on as he pulls the door open and grabs an apple. He'll eat on the way to school. Before leaving he creeps back in to the bedroom and approaches the still sleeping Angemon, pressing a kiss to his forehead that fails to make him stir. Then he's out the door, heading down the hall towards the elevator. Its a bit too early to meet Iori and Miyako so Takeru fishes out his ipod and drowns himself in music for the walk to school.

-x-

“Please, Hikari!” Begging Hikari for her homework. Again. He should be surprised at himself but hes not. School work hasn't been a priority for him in a while but he's never let it show this much before. He zones out in class but he's always kept up with his coursework. He's hitting a new low.

“Do your own homework! Stop trying to make Hikari do all the work for you!” Of course Daisuke starts in, always trying to get on Hikari's good side. He's not trying to make Hikari do anything, Takeru thinks, he's just so tired, and it feels so much harder to hold it together these days. Of course he can't tell them that, they would just worry. And try to interfere. He can't have that, he's not ready yet. 

“Why don't you just-” Something in Takeru snaps, he's just so damn tired, and hungry, and not in the mood to deal with this at all. Thankfully, Hikari cuts him off.

“Its okay, Takeru. You can copy my answers if you need to. Do you need to copy the notes from the other day too?” Hikari is an angel. She's always so kind to everyone, even when he very much doesn't deserve it. Now comes the guilt. Always with the guilt. He's so sick of it. He's so sick of everything. But they're staring at him again, Iori and Mikayo warily, Hikari with concern and Daisuke with still simmering anger.

“Thank you, Hikari. I do need the notes. I'm sorry to keep bothering you for this. I'll...I'll try harder to get my own work done. You don't have to keep doing this. I'm sorry.” The guilt won't go away. Hikari doesn't deserve to get sucked in to his bullshit. She's too sweet. They've been best friends for over a decade now, he knows well enough to know it would crush her if she ever found out the truth. No, he'll protect her from that no matter what. 

The warning bell rings and sends them all scurrying to their respective classes. Takeru takes his seat next to Hikari and tries to focus on what his teacher is saying as she paces back and forth in front of the dry-erase board. His first class of the day is math and if he couldn't do it at the party last night its definitely not happening at 7:30am. He tries to take notes but ends up doodling feathers in his notebook and thinking about the apple still tucked in to his bag. The hunger is unbearable. He goes from drawing tiny digimon to tiny food. It doesn't help. He thinks of the apple. Of the lunch he didn't pack. Of the delicious dinner he'd die to have. Natsuko will be working late again he's sure. Journalists are always trying to get the jump on news after all. Despite the freedom he already knows what he'll be having. He daydreams of food he'll never eat until the lunch bell rings.


	3. Chapter 3

“Ooo, yours looks so good! Your mom is amazing, Iori!” Miyako gushed over the bento as she pulled hers from its furoshiki. “I had to make my own.”

“Here Takeru, you still wanted to copy these, right?” Hikari asks, holding out a notebook flipped open to some math notes. Her pink bento is sitting in the grass next to her, still wrapped neatly in it's furoshiki. His mind is more interested in what is in the box than the notes being waved in his face.

“What? Sorry, yeah, I still need those. Thanks, Hikari. You're a lifesaver, you know that?” He takes the notebook before pulling his own out from his bag. There's a pen clipped to the spiral binding that he removes so he can open it to the notes he'd been taking earlier. He catches Hikari's glance down and follows it with his own as she giggles.

“Cute, but maybe try taking actual notes next time Takeru,” She teases. He flushes and quickly flips to the next page to hide the dozens of feathers scribbled over the paper. Her handwriting is immaculate. Just like her, he thinks as he copies the notes. He tries to force himself to focus on the words he's writing but they blur together somewhere in the back of his head and he can tell he's not learning a thing. At lest he'll have a copy to look over later. He can't let his grades slip, it would crush his mother. She's given too much for him to fail now. His father would be upset too, he's sure. Although he's always been closer to Yamato Takeru knows he would like to see one of his kids go to college. Its great that his brother has been able to follow his dreams so far but being a musician is a very unstable career and without a degree he has little to fall back on if things don't work out.

“Where's yours, Takeru?” Miyako speaks between bites, snapping him out of his thoughts. “Studying is important but don't forget to eat!” How could he possibly ever forget to eat? If only it could ever be that easy. Iori and Miyako are looking at him now, waiting to see the lunch he hasn't packed. 

“Oh, I ah, forgot to pack one this morning.” Straightening the kitchen had taken longer than he'd expected, he simply hadn't had time. 

“You can have some of mine,” Miyako insists, “I think I made too much anyway.”

“No, that's okay. You should eat it. I have-” He digs through his bag for a second and pulls out the apple, “This, so I should be okay. School's half way over anyway.” 

“Are you sure? You don't want more than that?”

“Nah, I'm good. I think my mom will be home early tonight, I'll make us a big dinner.” He finishes it off with a big grin that seems to mollify her, but Iori is still looking at him with a strange expression. Takeru directs the smile at him and after a second he smiles back. All he can think is I'll have to be more careful. He takes a bite of the apple. 

He manages 3 more bites, listening to his friends chatter in the background while he writes. Its an indulgence he wouldn't normally succumb to but he can't afford to make his friends suspicious. He knows how tenacious they are when they think you're keeping secrets and this is one secret he intends to keep. Still, its calories ( _one hundred and twenty calories_ ) that he hasn't planned for and it makes his heart race and his breath harder to draw. He focuses on the letters he's writing but before long he's copied all that there is to copy and he is forced to return Hikari's notebook and the distraction is provided.

He makes conversation with the group for the rest of the lunch period. Iori's mom is making curry for dinner, Daisuke got another D on a test. His stomach is growling and he tries to keep everyone talking in case it gets loud enough to be audible. He takes another bite of his apple. It's about half finished now. When the bell rings again he has to struggled to keep from lunging for his bag and fleeing. Instead he waits, bids the group goodbye, rolls his apple in his hand to hide the uneaten half until he can toss it in a trashcan by the school entrance. The rest of the day goes by in a blur.


	4. Chapter 4

He had lied of course, his mother will be working late, as usual. He has no grand plans for dinner. In fact the only thing he wants to do when he gets home is sleep. He kicks off his shoes by the mat at the door and makes his way in to the apartment. He is quickly greeted by Angemon who stands up from the sofa and comes to take his bag. 

“You don't have to do that you know? You live here, too.” His angel just smiles and leans down to kiss him quickly. 

“I know. But I sit around here all day doing nothing while you work hard at school. Its just nice to be helpful, even for something so small. I missed you.” Angemon is too sweet. He doesn't deserve such a good partner. He lets the angel carry the bag to his bedroom. Once inside he reaches up and pulls his pajamas off the bunk bed ladder before heading in to the bathroom to change. He can't remember when he started being so self conscious but he also can't remember the last time he'd let anyone see him naked. He changes quickly, facing away from the bathroom mirrors.

He wants to sleep, but he already feels bad enough for how he's been neglecting his digimon lately. His entire life, really. But Angemon doesn't deserve to be ignored, and although he can do more for himself now than he could as Patamon Takeru knows he still isn't entirely sure of how to do many human things. Like cook. So he hauls himself down the short flight of 4 stairs that connect his hallway to the living area and he allows himself to think _What's for dinner?_ for the first time today.

Its wonderful to have Angemon around all the time now, he hopes the day never comes when they have to part. Still, his constant presence makes it a lot harder to hide his abnormal eating habits, and the guilt that comes with them. Guilt for even having to lie to him in the first place. Well, not lie, exactly, but he is certainly deceiving him by omission. Letting him think everything is okay, that what he eats is normal. It's probably not something the angel would ever think to question. He would have no reason to doubt Takeru after all.

He settles on soup. Pulling a pot out from the drawer under the stove he fills it with water and sets it on the burner. He gathers vegetables from the fridge and bullion from the pantry. Angemon is hovering behind him. Takeru can sense his desire to help so he calls him over and hands him a knife.

“Here, cut these up for the soup.” He pushes a plate piled with celery, carrots and onion in front of the digimon. While Angemon chops the vegetables Takeru stirs the bullion in to the boiling water. Once it has dissolved he has Angemon drop the cubes in to the pot and place the lid on. While it boiles they retire to the living room sofa to wait. Takeru yawnes, checks the clock, and groans internally. It's barely 4pm. Definitely not time for bed. He shouldn't be this tired, but he is. He always is. Angemon sits next to him on the couch, in the corner spot, and stretches out his wings to get comfortable. He leans closer, snuggling against him and closing his eyes. He can't fall asleep before the soup is done, it would only be 15 minutes. Why was Angemon shaking him?

“-keru...Takeru. Takeru!” Angemon is still lightly shaking him as a timer beeps in the background. His memory joggs as he sits up. Oh. The soup. He swayed only slightly as he stands and makes his way back in to the kitchen. He gathers two bowls from the cupboard and a packet of fresh udon noodles from the pantry. He set the ball of noodles in to the pot being careful to keep them to one side, resets the timer for another 3 minutes and goes about setting the table. Angemon takes his seat, wings folded close to his back. It was always slightly amusing to see, they really should invest in a few larger chairs to make him more comfortable. The second timer beepes and Takeru pickes up a bowl, carefully scooping in the noodles with some vegetables and broth. He moves to place it in front of his partner before dumping the remaining vegetables and broth in to his bowl. 

He eyes his bowl as he picks up his chopsticks. Half the broth, that's ten, with half a cup of carrot, one eighth a cup of onion and a full cup of celery. So sixty calories total for the bowl. Plus sixty from the apple half he had eaten earlier, making his total for the day one hundred and twenty. That was good, any day under five hundred was okay, but under two hundred was a good day.

“How was your day, Takeru?” How was his day. He tries to remember. He'd begged homework from Hikari, snapped at Daisuke, worried Miyako and Iori. He hadn't even started on his homework and probably would end up falling asleep without completing it. Again. He should have called his brother, they hadn't spoken in a nearly two weeks. He should have stayed up to see his mother. There was so much he should have done. But he hasn't. He couldn't tell Angemon that though. He was a shining beacon in his dark day. Seeing him when he'd come home made him want to be better. Made him want a lot of things actually. He would become the kind of partner Angemon deserved. And today was a step forward. One hundred and twenty was a step forward. So he looked at his digimon and grinned.

“Good!” He assured. “School was good and now I'm here with you. Nothing bad could happen here.”

“That's great! I'm glad you had a good day at school, and even more glad you're back home now.” He tries to focus on the conversation Angemon was making. Tries to make sure he was responding properly. When had interacting with other people become such a chore, one he wasn't even good at. He yawns again, and his angel seems to notice this time. He gives Takeru a concerned look. “If you're tired you should have a nap. Its still early.” True, it wasn't even 5 yet. 

“I have homework to do still.”

“I'll wake you in a bit. You'll have plenty of time.” Honestly a nap sounded like the first good idea he'd heard all day. He'd been craving more sleep since he rolled out of bed this morning. Hell, he'd been craving more sleep for months now. It seemed like no matter how much he got it was never enough. And when he was awake it was so hard to focus on what was happening in his life. Nothing felt fulfilling anymore. Things that used to bring him joy left him lifeless inside. 

He followed Angemon to the sofa and waited for him to sit, to move his wings out of the way, before laying down with his head in the digimon's lap. A short nap, and then homework.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Graphic description of self induced vomiting. Other usual warnings apply.

Takeru awakens in his own bed and the disorientation is terrifying for a moment. He jerks to sit up so quickly he nearly bangs his head on the low celing. He's still wearing his clothes from yesterday. Even the hoodie. He takes a moment to thank every listening deity that whoever moved him (Angemon. Of course it was Angemon) didn't try to remove it. He sits up fully, bowed slightly due to the height of the bed, and looks around. Angemon is sleeping on the bottom bunk again. He smiles. Seeing him is like a breath of fresh air, every time. Everything in his life seems so hopeless and he feels so inferior, but looking at Angemon, if only for one brief instant, takes it all away. 

Takeru crawls over to the ladder and climbs down quietly. Sitting at the foot of the ladder is his school bag, and he realizes Angemon must have moved it because he was sure it was sitting by the desk yesterday afternoon. He moves to step around it before noticing paper sticking out of the open side of the messenger style bag. Curiously he pulls the papers out and blinks in confusion. One is clearly the blank homework assignment he had failed to complete the night before (Shit!) and another appears to be the neatly numbered answers to all 28 questions, written with sharp but precise lettering. How?

“Good morning.” He looks over to see Angemon grinning at him, arm still thrown over his eyes. He removes it, making to sit up, to properly see his digidestined. “Did you sleep well?”

“Did you do this? How?”

“I'm a digital creature, Takeru, I may still be unfamiliar with human customs but I can search the internet.” he said it flatly but his smile betrayed him. He was always so happy to help.

“How did you know what I was supposed to do? I don't remember leaving this out?”

“I called Gatomon and she asked Hikari. I was going to wake you so you could do your assignment but you were sleeping so peacefully I didn't want to disturb you. You've been so tired lately.” Shit. He hoped it wasn't so apparent to everyone else in his life as it apparently was to his digimon. 

“I've just been busy with school,” He lied.

“I know. You're working very hard, Takeru. But remember to take care of yourself too, alright?” He forced a smile, desperately hoping Angemon couldn't tell how tight it felt.

“I won't let it get that bad. Everyone stresses over school, especially this time of year with exams coming up so soon. After that things will slow down again.” His whole life needed to slow down honestly. Now that the minor adrenaline rush of lying to Angemon was fading he was feeling like everything was moving way too fast for the so very limited amount of energy he had to keep up.

His angel was awake this morning, so it was a breakfast morning. But first his morning routine. He grabs a fresh pair of uniform trousers, a light long sleeve shirt and his school jacket from his closet and makes his way to the bathroom. Turn on the taps. Fog up the mirrors. Get naked. Avoid glancing at the mirrors just in case. Deep breath. Step on the scale. Fifty point seven kilograms. He mulls the number over as he showers. Brushes his teeth. Combs his hair. Dresses. Then he moves on to mentally cataloging the fridge to figure out what to make for breakfast.

His heart skips a beat when he descends the steps and smells the scent of food wafting through the air. Deep breath. Deep breath. Deep breath. He moves in to the kitchenette and Angemon is wearing that dazzling look he has when he's figured something out and is justly proud of himself. 

“Takeru!” 

“Angemon! What...”

“I made breakfast. You slept in late, I didn't want you to be late for school.” His eyes bounce erratically between the pan of food on the stove top and the bowls and plates that line the table. He can see miso soup with tofu, rice, and omelet, already plated up for them. The smell of grilled fish is delicious and he feels a terrible wave of want for it. So much for his egg on toast plan. “I hope it's okay. I've been watching your mother cook...” He needs to stop staring and say something. 

“It smells delicious.” Its true, the smell is so good it's killing him. He sits at the table while Angemon plates the fish. Damn. This is going to be one of those days. He grins at his angel and picks up his chopsticks. “Lets eat!”

He cleans his plate, forcing a smile the whole damn time. He has to be more careful, he tells himself. People are starting to notice something isn't right. They can't find out yet. So he cleans his plate, and he smiles the whole damn time. And if he rushes off to school immediately after breakfast, well Angemon was right, he was running late.

-x-

He locks the bathroom door behind him. This is his favorite convenience store. Its right on the way to his school, it has a single person bathroom available to customers, and it has one of those light switches that automatically start the ventilation fan. Its perfect. He shoves the pack of gum he bought for the bathroom key in to his trouser pocket and approaches the sink.

He doesn't have a lot of time, but he doesn't need it. This is something he has down to a practice art by now. Turn on the taps. Warm water runs over the fingers of his right hand. Okay. Turn off the taps. He bends at the waist over the toilet and lifts his hand to his mouth. Four fingers. Deep breath. The first heave is always liquid, its the easiest to get up. His body hasn't had time to begin releasing stomach acid to digest his food, so it comes up almost exactly as it went down. Salty. The second brings up chunks of egg, fish and rice. He focuses on breathing in between heaves to avoid coughing. An amateur mistake he won't be making today, he's blown enough grains of rice out of his nose for one life time thank you.

Five good heaves and Takeru feels lighter. Light headed, too. He washes his hands, rinses his mouth and retrieves the pack of gum to hide his vomit breath. Its cinnamint. He chews 3 pieces just to be sure. He isn't late to school but he's cutting it close. Hikari and Daisuke shoot him questioning glances as he takes his seat but he just smiles back and pulls out his math textbook.


	6. Chapter 6

Lunch rolls around sooner than he'd like. Before he could run out the door after breakfast Angemon had tucked a nearly wrapped bento in his hands. He's been looking at the green-wrapped package all morning, wondering what could be inside. The loud b-riiiing of the lunch bell tells him he's about to find out. He tucks his history book back in to his bag and picks up his bento by the knotted furoshiki, following Hikari out of the room. They make their way to their usual spot under the small cluster of trees tree that separates the track from the soccer field.

Takeru sits beside Miyako who is already waiting for them. He's long since given up on trying to sit near Hikari, he doesn't feel like dealing with Daisuke's jealousy today. She has two sides but he somehow manages to monopolize them both. Iori is the last to arrive, and he takes a seat on Takeru's left before unwrapping his blue and gray bento. It looks like he's brought leftover curry rice. Once again Takeru wonders what he has in his mystery box. He's still feeling weak and shaky from getting rid of breakfast. Its probably a mixture of low blood sugar and exhaustion. He tries hard not to let his hands shake as he unwraps his bento, popping the lid off to examine it's contents. 

He isn't sure what he is expecting but it certainly isn't...this. The meal inside can only be described as _cute_. It has the basics: a leftover bit of the grilled mackerel from breakfast, a portion of rice, what looks like spinach omelet. But the rest is decidedly deco. There are strawberries cut and arranged like hearts and a few small cherry tomatoes with heart and shooting star picks carefully piercing them. Furikake has been sprinkled over the rice to resemble some kind of animal face. His soft boiled quail egg has been cut to look a hatching chick. Wow. Angemon really went all out on this, he thinks.

“What do you have today, Takeru?” Iori's voice pulls him from his inspection of his lunch. The comment has drawn Miyako's attention and she squeals when she looks over at his bento.

“Isn't that cute!” She leans in for a closer look. “You must have worked hard on that. Wow, look at the cute little egg!”

“What's the occasion? You don't seem like the type to get worked up over a decorative lunch box.” He's right, this isn't the kind of thing he would ever do himself. 

“Ah, I uh, didn't make it.” But...it's nice. Sweet.

“Oooh, then who did? A secret admirer maybe?” She's starry eyed now, and Takeru is equal parts annoyed and amused. 

“How would a secret admirer give me food? I wouldn't eat something someone just left laying out for me to find. They would have had to show themselves, and then it wouldn't be a secret anymore.” She deflates a bit at having her romantic fantasy crushed but she bounces back quickly enough.

“Then who gave it to you? Was it a girl?” 

“Miyako!” Hikari cuts her like of questioning off before it can get out of control. She shoots him a sympathetic look.

“But Hikari! Aren't you curious, too?”

“No. Takeru's lunch is his own business. Why not focus on eating yours, it looks delicious.” Of course she can say that, he's sure she already knows who made it. But he's grateful for how she distracts Miyako with a conversation about how she made her lunch today.

_~4oz Mackerel (240)_  
_½ cup short grain white rice (125)_  
_1 egg omelet with spinach (90)_  
_1 quail egg (14)_  
_3 cherry tomatoes (10)_  
_3 strawberries (12)_

With his friends distracted by the conversation he pops the lid back on his barely touched bento, mentally apologizing to Angemon. One day he'll be able to eat food that his partner makes, but not yet.

Hikari passes him a note in their next class. He unfolds it to find a small doodle of Angemon in a apron holding a bento, surrounded by little hearts. He doesn't have the heart to discard it so after class he folds it neatly and sticks it in his gum packet to look at later.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to my first subscriber! I don't know who you are but I love you.

On his way home he passes the convenience store and pauses to dump the remainder of his bento in the trash can sitting out in front of the building. He forces himself not to think of Angemon. With his bento empty he makes his way home.

To his surprise Angemon isn't waiting to greet him when he arrives at the apartment. He toes his shoes off and heads to his bedroom to change out of his school uniform. He's only half surprised to see Angemon napping on the bottom bunk of his bed. There are only so many rooms in the apartment after all. He tiptoes over to the closet to pull out a pair of jeans before continuing to the bathroom. He discards his jacket and trousers on the vanity, folding them neatly to avoid creases, then tugs on his jeans and returns to his room.

His angel is still sleeping so he sneaks closer to the bed. He would love to curl up next to his partner and nap the day away but he has homework. Has chores that need doing. Also the tiny twin bed will never hold the both of them, especially with Angemon's large wings. So he grabs his school bag and returns to the living room to study. 

He's half way through his history assignment when Angemon appears from the hallway. His long chestnut hair is rumpled from sleep and he's rubbing his eyes.

“Sorry I missed you coming home.” He yawns and Takeru smiles. He's so cute when he's tired. He slides over on the sofa to make a space for his partner to sit and Angemon gladly fills it. The angel glances at the clock before asking “Have you eaten yet?”

“Of course not, I wouldn't eat without you.” He could have left it at _I wouldn't eat_ but his angel didn't need to know that. He eyes his homework, it's almost done, and then looks back to the digimon. “Are you hungry now?”

“I think digimon are always hungry.” He grins and in that moment Takeru sees a lot of Patamon in him. No matter how dignified and mature his adult evolution was he would always be Takeru's little buddy inside and that was unbelievably comforting. He grabs Angemon's hand and pulls to get him to rise from the sofa with him before dragging him in to the kitchen. He thinks of the convenience store bathroom. Of the not even half eaten bento. He wants Angemon to be happy, so he riffles through the freezer and pulls out a a frozen unagi cutlet. They will have a nice dinner tonight. 

Takeru preheats the oven and sets the rice steamer while he thaws the unagi under warm water. Once everything is cooking he moves back to the living room, again grabbing Angemon's hand to lead him. This time he doesn't let go even as they settle on the sofa to wait for dinner. He tries to pick up where he left off on his homework but his angel is distracting, rubbing his thumb over Takeru's knuckles. After a few minutes of getting nothing done he gives up on his work for now, instead turning his attention to the rooms other occupant.

There isn't time for much, the unagi takes 12 minutes to bake and he knows they've already passed a few, but he leans closer to his digimon until their breath mingles and Angemon closes his eyes in anticipation. He kisses him once. Twice. A strong arm wraps around his waist and pulls him in. Another kiss. The timer dings. His digimon reaches for him as he moves away.

“Dinner will burn.” He wouldn't mind, would much rather be here like this with Angemon. But his digimon is hungry, and he doesn't want to disappoint him. The unagi comes out perfectly. He plates the rice and eel along with some pickled daikon and pours their tea from the warmer. A forced smile graces his lips as he takes his seat at the table. “Lets eat.”

-x-

Night falls and finds Angemon deep asleep. Takeru, not so much. He glances at the clock every few minutes, watching time pass. Waiting. When all sound of movement ceases and he hears the soft snores of his digimon Takeru lets out the breath he feels like he's been holding since they retired to the bedroom. He leans over the rail of the top bunk to look down on his partner. Definitely asleep. Good. He pushes his blanket down a bit until it falls over his lower abdomen and takes a breath before lifting his upper body and hiking up his knees to meet his elbows. One. He repeats the action. Two.

He thinks of dinner. Of the cup of rice ( _two hundred and fifty_ ). Of the sweet glazed eel ( _four hundred and thirty_ ). Six hundred and eighty total, plus the extra from what he nibbled from his bento at lunch. Three. Four. Five. He hates doing exercise, he's always just so tired, but if stealthily doing crunches in bed is what it takes then it's what it takes. 

Eight minutes later he pauses, laying back against the pillow and trying to keep his labored breathing quiet. Two hundred sit ups. About sixty calories burned. Just a drop in the bucket. He closes his eyes for a moment. His abs are burning, his lungs hurt, and he wishes he wasn't so out of shape.

When he opens his eyes he's blinded by the morning sun.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so glad to see that someone else has subscribed to this fic! Its great to know people are enjoying it and want to see more. Thank you to both of you for following along!

Wednesdays can be just as exhausting as Mondays, Takeru thinks. Maybe more so. Its barely 6:30am in the middle of the week and he feels haggard. His abs ache from the night before and he's hit with the guilt of failure. Out of six hundred and eighty calories he only burned about _sixty_. Great. He descends the ladder, feet hitting the floor softly in case Angemon is still sleeping. He's not, and Takeru prays that there won't be a repeat of yesterday. He grabs a fresh shirt from his closet and makes his way to the bathroom where he left his trousers and uniform jacket the day before. 

Taps on. Mirrors fogged. Look away just in case. Clothes off. Deep breath. Fifty one kilograms. 

He stares at the number with a heavy sort of despair growing in him. A .3 kilogram gain. Damn that dinner. Logically he knows that it's food weight, or water retention, or sodium induced bloat, but he's not thinking logically right now. He slides in to the shower, haunted by the number. Does he look .1 kilograms heavier today? What would that even look like? Absentmindedly he loops his fingers around his opposite wrist and slides up. Even with the skin slick with water he can only move them up a few inches before his arm gets too thick and the friction stops him. He feels disgusting. Once out of the shower he towels off quickly, without a glance at his body, before pulling on his school uniform and leaving the bathroom.

He finds Angemon in the kitchen tidying up the dishes his mother must have left in the sink. Her coffee cup still sits half empty on the table so he picks it up as he passes by. There's no scent of food, no pans on the stove. He practically sighs in relief. Hearing him approach Angemon turns with a smile.

“Good morning!” Not yet it wasn't. If he could get out of breakfast then it would be a great morning, regardless of the way his abdomen still protested every movement. He heads to the door, picking up his school bag from where he'd dropped it yesterday. A distraction, that's what he needs. It's 6:48am and he has 12 minutes before he can make an early exit without seeming to be leaving _too_ early.

He doesn't think Angemon suspects yet, despite being the one he sees most. He swallows thickly. Angemon _trusts_ him. He would have no reason to suspect anything from his human partner. He forces down the sick feeling the thought brings about and opens his bag. He fishes around in it for a minute before pulling out a partially completed practice test from several weeks ago. He plucks a pencil from the side pocket and sets about pretending to study.

“Did you forget to do your homework again, Takeru?” His angel sounds worried. Takeru forces a laugh.

“No, I just have this test today. Its important, so I need to do a little last minute cramming, you know?” Angemon's expression brightens up again. 

“Do you need any help?” He asks, and takeru thinks of a polite way to shoot him down. Its only been a few weeks but he can't even remember what the test this practice sheet was for was even about.

“Not right now, I think I just need to focus on filling out this paper, and then I'll go from there. Thank you, thought. Its...its sweet of you to want to help me.”

“I'll always be here to help you, Takeru. We're partners. I love you.” Angemon is wearing a slightly bashful expression and Takeru thinks that if he were to die in this moment he could die happy. Unfortunately moments end and his angel goes back to washing dishes as he tries to figure out why none of the information on his paper makes any sense. Has he been so checked out lately that he's missed this much? Shit. What grade did he get on this test? He can't remember taking it at all.

Instead of faking for the next 10 minutes he decides that he should probably try to study for real. Then his stomach growls and he's lost in thoughts of numbers again.


	9. Chapter 9

“Takeru, it's 7:15, shouldn't you get going? You'll be late...” Angemon pulls him from his thoughts and he couldn't be more grateful. He can't be late, he's already falling behind in class. His eyes focus and he looks over his pre-test. Its covered in scribbles of feathers. Damn. He's going to fail out of high school if he can't focus up soon. He stuffs it back in his bag, hoping Angemon hadn't noticed anything strange.

He grabs his bag and – Double damn. He needs a lunch. He can't get away with fasting all day, his friends will just start in like last time. He scans the kitchen quickly before grabbing an apple from the fruit bowl and rushing out of the kitchen. Angemon stops him in the small entrance hall, grabbing him by the hand and pulling him close for a kiss. 

“Have a good day! Go and come safely.”

“I will.” Its shaping up to be a good day. One meal down, two to go.

He jogs to school, telling himself it's because he has twelve minutes to get there and he can't afford to be late. When he arrives he has burning lungs and three spare minutes. He's panting softly as he takes his seat, tucking his bag under his chair.

“Hey Takeru!' Hikari. “Are you okay?” Daisuke grumbles something to himself as Hikari shoots him worried looks so he flashes her a smile he hopes is bright and cheery.

“I'm alright, Hikari! Just running a little late today.” She giggles at him, glad nothing is seriously wrong. 

“He probably forgot to do his homework until the last second again.” If Daisuke comes off a little snide Takeru ignores it. Some days he just wants to shake the other boy and yell that while Hikari is an angel she isn't _his_ angel so he needs to chill with his jealousy problem like, yesterday.

“Oh, did you forget, Takeru?” Why is everyone saying that lately?? He really needs to do something about this.

“I didn't. But when I was doing it last night I was thinking, why don't we get together and study, Hikari?” Daisuke's glare is near murderous now. Good. That's what he gets for being so sassy all the time. Even if Hikari says no he's already won one fight today. Still, he really hopes she agrees. Hikari is smart, and totally not checked out of her own life the way he is lately. With his grades tanking from constant brain fog he could really use the help.

“Sure! Its been a while since we've been able to hang out. When did you want to do it?” She seems genuinely excited and for a moment Takeru feels bad. Has he really been ignoring her, too? They were best friends! He needed to get himself back under control. He wasn't trying hard enough. He needed to be there for her like she had always been there for him. 

“Is tonight too short notice?”

“No, tonight is perfect. Did you want to come over to my place? It might be tight, I think Tai is doing something with some friends from his university tonight. I'm not sure how long they'll be around for.

“Oh, we can do it at my place? My mom is working late tonight (like every night) so it'll just be me and Angemon.”

“Okay! I'll stop by home to grab Gatomon and meet you at your house around 3:30?”

“Sounds good.” Now for the killing blow. “Oh, did you want to come too, Daisuke?” He watched Daisuke stumble over his words trying to find a 'cool' way to agree to join them. He tries way too hard, Takeru thinks. He likes Daisuke most of the time but he can't help but hope Hikari never falls for him. She deserves someone like her. Someone perfect. Out of the corner of his eye he sees her covering her smile with a delicate hand. They had always been so similar.

In the end Daisuke agrees to study with them, planning to stop by his apartment and grab Chibimon before meeting with them at Takeru's place. The bell rings signaling the start of class and Takeru turns his attention to the white board and his already pacing teacher.

He tries his best to focus but it feels like he's floating, like he's not real and could so easily just fall back through his chair, through the floor, through the entire building. He blinks and swallows to pop his ears, trying to get get his grip on reality back. Its been like this for a few months now. He can hear a soft crunch sort of sound occasionally and he denies how it kills him inside. He doesn't want it. He doesn't care who's eating in class. He doesn't want it. He manages to get through the entire math lecture without a single doodle but he's still not sure he's even real, much less learning.

Surprise surprise, lunch rolls around quickly when you can't focus for shit. He sits next to Iori and Miyako under their trees. He should try harder to work on his friendships. Just one more thing he's failing at. Their university is a small one but since he's not in any clubs the only time he crosses paths with the 9th and 12th graders is their shared lunch period. 

As usual Miyako is fawning over Iori's bento. He casually wonders what her parents do. Why her mother can't make her bento like she clearly would prefer. Why can't he remember? He's sure he's supposed to know, he used to know. He casts a glance at the beige and brown box Iori has today. It looks like hamburger steak with bulldog over rice and mixed vegetables.

“Where's yours, Takeru?” Iori has that look again, and Takeru has a sinking feeling he just can't shake. 

“I was running late today” He pulls his apple from his bag with what he hopes is a lighthearted reply. 

“Ohh, that stinks. You can have some of mine though, don't worry!” Miyako says. Frustration surges through him and he tries to smother it down. Before he can even start to think of a declination Hikari is looking at him and his apple.

“Mine too, Takeru!”

“See, we've got your back!” Thanks, Miyako, he thinks sarcastically. But they're all looking at him now, and he knows he has no choice. He puts on a pinched smile and nods. 

“Yeah. Thanks, guys. I appreciate it.” He hates the idea of eating their food, with all the unknown ingredients, but he couldn't be ungrateful to his friends. 

“Mine's a little messy for fingers. You can share my chopsticks, okay?” Best friends. He really loved Hikari, she was a saint. He gave her a grin and leaned closer to inspect her food. It looked like a broiled fish dish with a seaweed salad, omelet and a section of rice dotted with an umeboshi. He glances at Miyako's lunch, a katsu sandwich, pickled vegetables and mixed fruit cup and tells himself to tough it out. 

He watches Hikari take a few bites before holding his hand out for the chopsticks. They pass them back and forth as they eat, Takeru trying to dominate the conversation so his mouth is too occupied for eating and his friends are too distracted to notice that he isn't. Hikari's bento is almost empty when she picks up the umeboshi and leans close to him, holding it out for him to take. He opens his mouth and she giggles, dropping it on his tongue. He forces himself to laugh along with her.

_3oz broiled salmon (175)_  
_½ cup short grain white rice (125)_  
_½ one egg omelet (40)_  
_¼ katsu sandiwch with bulldog(110)_  
_3 bites of seaweed salad (10)_  
_2 bites of pickles (5)_

Later in the day it comes to him that Miyako's parents run the Ai-Mart.


	10. Chapter 10

He doesn't quite jog home but his pace is a bit too fast to be described as a walk. Four hundred and sixty five is still swirling around in his head as he rides the elevator up to his floor. How had he managed to consume so many calories even when he split lunch with two other people? But he runs through the bits of food he ate and the numbers add up.

He pops his key in the lock and pushes the door open before dropping his bag to the floor. He'll move it later, when he lets Hikari in. For now he heads to the kitchenette, pausing in front of the fridge to inspect it's contents. He still has leftover cake from the party. He grabs a can of diet cola and prepares to retreat to the bedroom to look for Angemon when a plastic baggy on the top shelf catches his eye. Baby carrots, an individually sealed single serving packet. He doesn't want it. He doesn't. But he needs to focus or this study session will be a waste of time. His friends already seem to suspect something is off with him lately, and his grades are slipping badly. 30 calories. He could do that. He picks up the bag before closing the fridge door.

To his surprise Angemon isn't in his room, but he can hear water running from the attached bathroom so he doesn't worry. Instead he flops lifelessly on the bottom bunk and closes his eyes. He has 55 minutes until Hikari and Daisuke will arrive and he's _tired_. Its a bone deep sort of exhaustion that comes from running on fumes for so long and no matter how much he sleeps he can't seem to shake it. That never stops him from trying though, the sound of running water from the bathroom is already lulling him to sleep. He struggles to get his eyes open but it's a losing battle. He's asleep before Angemon emerges.

“Takeru...Takeru wake up, someone is at the door.” Angemon's hand is on his shoulder shaking him lightly. He looks around in bleary eyed confusion for a moment before he hears a knock at the door. Hikari! Shit. He'd fallen asleep. He sways slightly as he moves to exit the room, nearly stumbling in to Angemon. “Are you alright?” He asks after reaching out and grabbing Takeru by the shoulders to stop his fall. 

“Sorry, just a little tired still. I'm okay.” Such an easy lie. He glances around and spies the small bag of carrots he'd been intending to eat and plucks it from his rumpled sheets before hurrying to the door. The knocking has grown louder and more insistent and he's entirely sure its Daisuke, not Hikari, waiting for him.

The door swings open to reveal an annoyed looking Daisuke, one fist still raised to knock again. On his shoulder sits Chibimon who jumps off and wobbles in to the apartment. 

“Hey,” He greets cordially, moving from the doorway to wordlessly invite his guest in. Then he turns and returns to the living area, not surprised to see Chibimon sitting on the coffee table rooting through the fruit bowl.

“Aww, Takeru don't you have any of the good snacks?” The baby digimon whines. He smiles at it, so reminded of Tokomon. His smile brightens as he remembers the cake in the fridge. Why not kill two birds with one stone? He can feed Chibimon and get rid of the damn thing at the same time, all without suspicion.

“Actually, I do. Hang on just a second and I'll get you some.” He turns to look over his shoulder at Daisuke who has removed his shoes and entered the room. “Do you want some cake, Daisuke?”

“Sure.” He mumbles, fiddling with his goggles. “C'mon Chibimon, get out of there.” He complains, pulling the tiny dragon from the fruit bowl and setting him down on the sofa. Takeru gathers plates from the cupboard and the cake from the fridge, slicing it evenly in to two large pieces before plating it and returning to the living room.

“Here ya go, Chibimon!” He sets the plate on the coffee table and pops back in to the kitchen to grab desert spoons. When he returns the little digimon has frosting on his face and a large bite missing from his cake. Takeru can't help but laugh. The digimon are always cute in their baby forms. Its been so long since Angemon was a baby. Part of him misses it, but a bigger part loves what his digimon has grown in to.

He sits in the arm chair adjacent to the sofa and quietly tears the plastic on his bag of carrots and pulls one out. He's on the third one when Daisuke finally looks up from his snack.

“You didn't have to give us all the cake, you could have had some too you know.” He sticks a another spoonful in his mouth after the statement and Takeru smiles. Nothing feels better than other people eating food he doesn't have to eat.

“Oh, I had some earlier, I'm just still hungry.” It occurs to him seconds after he's said it to look for Angemon, to make sure his digimon doesn't catch him lying. He's lucky, Angemon hasn't followed him from the bedroom yet. As if summoned by his thoughts his angel appears from the hallway, coming to lean against the back of his chair.

“Angemon!” Chibimon stops attempting to lick frosting off his face long enough to look shocked by the adult digimon.

“What is this, Takeru! Is something wrong? You should have just told us, we could have met in the computer lab to get to the digital world faster!” 

“What are you talking about? We aren't going to the digital world, we're here to _study _, Daisuke.” Takeru can't help rolling his eyes. When push comes to shove he and Daisuke are friends but damn, he's always so dramatic!__

__“Then why is Angemon here?” Chibimon has gotten up to walk over the end of the table closest to him, still looking curiously at the other digimon. They're acting like they've never seen Angemon before and it dawns on Takeru that maybe they haven't, at least not in the real world. How long has it been since he's had people over? He could have sworn it wasn't _that _long ago. Maybe it was.___ _

____“Angemon always stays in this form now. Well, when we're at home. He changes back to Patamon when we have to go out somewhere.” That was the concise version. Sometimes when the weather was cooler Angemon would go out in his adult form, using a thick coat and scarves to cover his folded wings._ _ _ _

____“Why? Doesn't that waste his energy?”_ _ _ _

____“Its easier to interact with the human world in a more human form.” Angemon speaks up for the first time in the discussion, slightly spooking Takeru. He's already forgotten his lover is standing behind him. This doesn't bode well for his study session. Maybe he should have had a few bites of cake, his brain is a mess. Oh well, too late now._ _ _ _

____“Ooohh.” Chibimon say, but he doesn't really look like he gets it. Daisuke either. Of course they don't, Takeru's only told them half the story. Hidden from view Angemon's hand, still resting on the back of the chair, combs its way through the back of his hair._ _ _ _


	11. Chapter 11

By the time the second round of knocking beings Takeru could kiss Hikari for finally arriving. The silence has been thick between the two teens in the apartment, he's well aware he's not on Daisuke's list of favorite people. 

“Sorry I'm late,” she says upon entering the room. “Since Tai and his friends have the kitchen right now I decided to pick up dinner from Ai-Mart. I got a little distracted talking to Miyako while I was there. Hello, Angemon.” She finishes with a polite smile at his digimon.

“Did everyone know about this but me!” Daisuke demands, gesturing pointedly at Angemon. Hikari ignores him in favor of setting her shopping bags on the coffee table. The plastic slumps to the side and he can already see a lot more food than one person could eat. Oh no.

“I got us all some.” She says cheerfully, like nausea isn't bubbling up inside him at the sight. Daisuke grins and Chibimon cheers, the bottomless pits.

“Thanks, Hikari!!” Doing a 180 Daisuke ignores the food to beam starry-eyed at her. His digimon is already attempting to climb headfirst in to the bag of pre-made convenience store bentos. Takeru wishes he would, wishes he would devour them all. He can't even lie again, say he's already eaten, since Angemon is in the room now.

“Thanks,” He parrots. “Are you guys ready to get down to it?” 

“Whats the rush? Hikari was nice enough to bring these, we should eat them.” He pulls Chibimon out of the plastic bag to see what's inside. Once the little digimon is out of the way Hikari passes out the six bentos and disposable chopsticks. He's momentarily confused by the number, he's already forgotten Gatomon was here. She's always so quiet.

Takeru takes a moment to examine his food. Its a smoked salmon dish, white rice, and mixed vegetables. A single piece of shrimp tempura rests on top of the rice and there is a large strawberry in a small foil cup tucked in the corner of the plastic container. At the sight his stomach growls and he desperately hopes that no one else can hear it. He sets his meal back on the table and opens his bag, pulling out his textbooks and a notebook. As nice as it is to hang out with his friends he really needs this study session to go well. If he can just keep them on track, it should be okay. Its too bad that the food is haunting him now, but he tells himself he has to stay strong. Focus. 

“Which subject should we work on first?” 

“Lets start with the homework we got today. That way we can figure out what needs more practice as we go through it?”Hikari beings unpacking her bag, setting her books on the table next to his. 

Next to his full dish of food. Focus. If studying goes well he can eat some after they're done, he thinks. That's a good compromise. He momentarily feels bad, thinking of rewarding himself with food like he's some kind of dog, but fuck it, whatever works. Besides, he can probably get away with eating some and putting the rest in the refrigerator for _later_.

-x-

Studying is going....well, it's going. He's not surprised to see his fears confirmed, he's fallen severely behind in almost all his classes. This is going to take more than one study session, but like the saint she is Hikari has already agreed to come back over and help him as much as it takes to get him caught up again.

They've been at it for almost 2 hours now and his whole body is feeling cramped from leaning hunched over the small table. He stands, stretches and lets out of long slightly pained sigh. He's been sitting like that for way too long. He casts a glance around the room but no digimon immediately catch his eye. A closer look reveals that Chibimon is sleeping in his upturned hat at the far end of the sofa. Cute. He still doesn't see Angemon or Gatomon though. They must be in his room. 

Takeru stumbles slightly as he makes his way to the kitchen. His left foot is asleep all the way up to the hip so he shakes it out a little as he waits for the warmer to heat water for tea. He might have some cocoa powder, he thinks, rummaging through the cabinet. It turns out he does, and he's quite sure Chibimon would prefer it, so he spoons some in to a mug to wait for the hot water.

When the water has heated he pours it in to the line of cups he's assembled. Then, like a good host, he brings the cups to this friends. He carries them over two at a time, setting the cocoa close to the sleeping digimon. The sound of the cup clacking against the table wakes the creature and Takeru smiles apologetically. 

“Sorry, Chibimon, I didn't mean to wake you.” But of course the baby digimon is more interested in his sweet drink than Takeru's apology, so he moves on to the last two cups. He'll just bring them in to his room for the other two digimon, he thinks. He carefully plucks the cups by the handle and moves toward the hall.

He tries to be careful not to spill tea on the carpet as he makes his way to his room. His leg is still waking up so it's tingling and a bit numb. Moving through the doorway and in to the room he stills, frozen in place. He hears a loud thump, feels a hot splash against his ankle, and he's running before he's even finished processing what he's seen.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tw: Emetophobia Warning! Not very graphic but mentions of vomiting.
> 
> All usual TWs apply!

“Takeru!” He hears Angemon shout after him but doesn't stop to listen, doesn't pause at all. He runs through the house, out the front door, down the hall to the elevators. They're calling for him to come back, he's sure, he can hear their voices from down the hall. Angemon appears around the corner just as the elevator doors slide shut.

They have to call for another elevator and that gives him the head start needed to avoid them. When the doors pop open he takes off again and this time he doesn't stop sprinting until he's blocks away. His lungs are burning, his legs are shaky, and he has a terrible stitch in his side. His vision is wavering around the edges but he barely takes notices. Angewoman. In his room. Kissing his angel. He can't seem to process the though, it just keep looping over and over in his head. Angewomon. In his room. Kissing his angel.

When he finally stops running he's made it to the small park near the highschool. He collapses against a thick tree, scraping his palms against the bark as he leans forward for support. His chest heaves as he gasps for breath. A nauseous sort of feeling has settled in to the pit of his stomach but it feels light-years away. Everything feels light-years away, except the one thought swirling around in his head. He closes his eyes and rests his forehead against the tree, not registering the rough scrape of the bark against his skin. Hot tears are making their way down his cheeks long before he even his time to register _sadness_. 

When it comes it comes in such a rush that it sends him hunching over again, vomit splattering the roots of the overgrown tree. His stomach is already empty but his body continues to retch without his consent, over and over until his abs are burning and black spots are flickering in and out of his field of vision. When he finally stops dry heaving he slides to the ground. He has no energy left, no will to even care about the vomit he just collapsed in to that is now staining the knees of his jeans. 

Takeru isn't sure how long he sits there, crying in to the tree, but by the time the tears stop his face is puffy and red, snot running down from his nose. His pants are splattered with drying vomit and his knees are moist from the puddle of sick he fell in to. He forces himself to roll to the side, laying limp in the grass under the shade of the tree.

I deserve this. Its the first coherent though he's had since he fled the apartment. _I deserve this_. For being so foolish, to ever think he could have someone like Angemon. A literal shimmering angel. Why did he think he could ever make things work between someone so wonderful and _himself_ , someone so utterly broken. I deserve this. For being so flawed, so disgusting. Such a disappointment.

He's perfect, and a perfect person deserves a perfect partner. 'Staying with me will just drag him down.' Takeru thinks as he sniffles a few times before giving up and wiping his nose on the back of his hand. He wipes the snot off on to the thigh of his jeans, fuck it, they're filthy anyway. 'I'm a fucking wreck, it's no wonder Angemon doesn't want to be with me. _I_ don't want to be with me.'

Its grown dark around him but he can't bring himself to go back to his apartment. He can't face everyone there. He can't face Angemon. He makes no attempt to move, instead closing his eyes. Its probably dangerous to nap in a public place at night but he is emotionally exhausted and this seemes like as good a time as any to go to sleep and hope to never wake up.


	13. Chapter 13

Unfortunately, he did wake up. Specifically, to the feeling of someone shaking him, to the sound of his name being shouted. He tries to blink open bleary eyes, tries to listen to the voice and focus on the insistent shaking of his shoulder. It takes a few tries but he gets his eyes open and when the world stops swirling around in front of him he's able to finally take a look at the person calling for him.

Gatomon. 

It takes a few moments for his memory to start to jog and even that doesn't really help with the confusion that's still swirling inside him. Why exactly is Gatomon here? It takes another moment to even remember why _he_ is here.

The white feline is looking down at him with a look that's far too similar to _concern_ for someone who he just caught kissing his boyfriend. 

“Takeru! We've been looking for you for hours!” Apparently vacant staring isn't the reaction she is hoping for because she's yelling now. “Angemon -Everyone- is worried sick! I...I was worried. I thought...”

Worried. Right. Well she should be happy to learn that there's nothing for her to be worried about. She has Angemon, she has all of their friends. One unhappy Takeru can't possibly mean that much in comparison.

He knows he should say something cutting. He should be _angry_. But fuck, he still can't motivate himself to sit up. He's so empty right now. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. That might be the worst part, he thinks. He should be feeling something, anything, about this situation, and he fucking can't. He opens his mouth to give it a try and...

“It doesn't matter.” Great, totally what he was going for. Not. 

He doesn't have it in him to try again. He still hasn't risen form the ground. He closes his eyes. He's laying half a foot away from a puddle of vomit, on the forest floor, at God knows what time of night, with the girl who stole his everything away, and he just can't deal with this right now. He wants to care. He knows that later, later he will care. He should yell or cry or demand the truth from them, but right now? Everything is already fading away again as he loses consciousness on the wet earth.

-x-

When he wakes it's still dark, and though he has no proof he suspects not much time has passed. He's in a very familiar place, he knows before he's even fully conscious. The air is brisk and thin. He keeps his eyes closed long after he's fully come to. This might be the last time he's up here this way.

Eventually he has to give some indication that he's awake because he hears Angemon speaking and a voice echoes back from his D3.

“I'm almost at the hospital.”

“Hurry! Don't wait for us, we'll meet you there.” Hikari. She sounded distraught. The hospital? No, he can't go to the hospital. Even in his sleep-induced daze he he knows that much. They'll try and stop him. Take away his control. No, he can't go.

“No, no! Angemon. Put me down.” Words fall out of his mouth without his consent and his brain races, grasping for a way to take the suspicious edge off. People don't just shout NO at the prospect of hospitals like that. 

“T-Takeru! You're awake! Oh, thank God, you're awake!”

“Put me _down_ , Angemon.”

“What- Takeru you need to see a doctor! You passed out! You've been unconscious.” Obviously, Takeru thinks, but that's not the issue here. It was hardly an issue for him at all, honestly. Passing out was fine, it was that waking up again bit that he hated. 

It hurts to think back on today's events, he would much prefer to have slept forever instead of dealing with this, but its the first ideas that pops in to his brain and he hates to admit it but it makes sense. A small part of him relishes in the hope that Angemon might be even a tiny bit upset when he says it.

“No Angemon, let me down. I'm fine now and after what you did today I don't want to go with you.” He said it calmly, coldly. He squirms a bit hoping the angel digimon gets the point. He knows Angemon would never drop him, or anyone else, from such a height. It just wasn't in his nature.

Like he suspected it works, with Angemons six wings flapping more weakly as they glide down to one of the nearby rooftops. It looks like a business who's long since closed for the night. He's out of his digimon's arms before his feet fully hit the cement. 

“Takeru, please! You don't understand! And you need to be seen at a hospital right away!”

“I don't understand? _I_ don't understand? You're right, I _don't_ understand! Why? Why would you do that to me? If you wanted her you just had to say so! Why lie right to my face every day? If you wanted her...” His anger comes hot and fast but fizzles out just as quickly and by the end he just wants to cling to Angemon and cry. That sick feeling is coming back and he staggers forward from the force of it. Lucky Angemon catches him as he collapses towards the angel. They're likely close to 100 meters high right now and regardless of their relationship status he doubts his digimon wants to see anyone suffer a fall like that.

“Please Takeru, what you saw was a mistake! I didn't-”

“Don't. Just don't. Please. Just be honest. At least this once, just be honest with me.” Tears were running down the angel's pretty face as he caught Takeru's chin and turned his head so he could look in to his eyes. Angemon looked stunning with the bright city lights haloing around him.

“But that's what I'm trying to do. Please believe me. I didn't mean for you to see that. I didn't mean for it to happen at all. She just, surprised me. I can't say I had no idea she thought of me that way, but you are the only one I want, Takeru. Its always been you.”

He's exhausted and so, so dizzy, and being up so high isn't helping him feel any more stable in any sense. But looking in to those gorgeous blue eyes, so rarely seen from under his helmet, has Takeru believing him. He stares silently, as if somehow the mere lines of his face will give him away, but nothing happens and in the end Takeru sighs. He's always been weak for Angemon, since he was 7 years old and his little flying pig creature exploded in to a beautiful warrior of justice to save the digital world.

“I believe you.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized while I was writing this chapter that for some reason I've been using everyone's Japanese names except for Tailmon? I'll go back through and change the previous chapters when it's not 5am, but for now her name has been updated for this one.

In the end he doesn't go to the hospital. Angemon carries him home instead, where practically everyone he knows is inside his apartment. He sees Taichi first, looking worried with his arm around Hikari. Yamato is there, shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot as he enters with Angemon in tow. Iori is comforting a crying Miyako. Even Daisuke looks upset. His mother is notably absent. She must have gotten a hotel room in the city again, possibly due to working so late or to be closer to her story's subject for the next day. Taichi releases Hikari as she surges forward to embrace him.

“Takeru!” She's crying now. “I was so s-scared. Never do that again!” She's half holding half shaking him and he's suddenly consumed with guilt. He never meant to upset her. She's too sweet to have to worry about something as worthless as him. He wishes he could find the words to tell her so.

Miyao is the second to reach him, joining in the group hug-and-cry thing that seems to be happening now. They're the only one who approach him at first and he lets them stay half hugging him until they seem to calm down and releases him on their own. Taichi and Iori venture closer after the girls have calmed a bit. Iori is always quiet so it's not unusual he simply offers an “I'm so glad you're safe, Takeru.” and a quick hug but Taichi seems unusually somber. He approaches slowly and thumps Takeru on the head playfully but his words better match his demeanor. 

“Don't do that again, okay? You had us all seriously worried there, Takeru.” He looks over at the remaining two boys, catching his brother and Daisuke looking anywhere but at him. That was odd. Usually his brother would be, well, not the first to come check on him, Yamato was often stubborn, but he wouldn't be the last, stealing glances at him as he tried to avert his eyes anywhere else. Daisuke he could understand, he hated it when Takeru got more attention than him, especially from Hikari.

The sound of a throat clearing got his attention and his eyes drifted down to Gabumon, standing next to Yamato and looking pointedly at his partner. Yamato finally drags his eyes away from inspecting the curtains he's standing near to glance at at Takeru, looking at him oddly. But the others are watching his older brother now and Yamato moves, taking a few slow steps toward him. 

“I...I _was_ worried about you. I was terrified when we couldn't find you! You can't just run off like that! Its not like I didn't care...its just weird!”

“Yamato!” Hikari is snapping at him before Takeru even has a chance to process what he's said. She hasn't released him yet, not completely, still standing close to him with both her hands clasped around his left. What exactly is weird? What a huge fuck up he is? Its not like he's doing it on purpose. He's not _trying_ to ruin all his friendships, ruin their lives just by existing in them! Its just _happening_ and he can't seem to get it together enough to make it stop. He's opening his mouth to...to what exactly? Word vomit out his feelings, probably, try and apologize and beg their acceptance, when he catches his brother's cold gaze. It isn't settled on him really, it's like he's looking through him. Past him. Oh.

“You can't just say things like that! How would you feel if someone said that about your relationship?” Hikari is still defending him. Of course she is, she always had, since they were children. Yamato is glaring at Angemon over his shoulder and he's so fucking tired. It feels like he's kind of tuning in and out of the conversation, catching pieces like static sound bites. Its not that he's not interested, that it doesn't seem important, but this situation is just one more thing he's struggling to hold on to. And after his hectic day, running on four hundred and sixty five calories (why does he still _remember_ that??), and a short nap in the park he just doesn't have an ounce of energy left to deal with this.

He's vaguely aware of Yamato getting defensive, of Hikari continually coming to his defense. Taichi and Miyako and Iori float in and out of his field of perception as they try to put a quick stop to the argument being drug up by Yamato, Daisuke joining in on his side (“It _is_ weird! Like, super weird! Who does that?”) but he can't be bothered to really focus on what's happening. They freaked out when they found him passed out among the trees, he can only hope a bed is considered less hospital-worthy to them as he frees his hand from Hikari and tries not to stagger as he makes his way across the living area to his bedroom. 

He hears his name being called but he doesn't turn back, doesn't stop until he's flopping face down on the lower bunk (Angemon's spot, he thinks) and can finally feel like the tiniest bit of weight has been relived from his shoulders. He opens his eyes and turns his head to see the group (minus Yamato, Daisuke, and …Tailmon? Was she even there at all when he got back? He can't remember.) following him in to his room. Angemon and Hikari approach immediately, shooting off questions about his health. Taichi, and Iori hang back, the latter with a comforting hand on Miyako who stands between them.

“I'm just tired, Hikari. Really, I'll be okay, I just need some rest. Today was stressful for me.” Angemon looks so guilty he almost hates to say it. Sadness isn't a look he's used to, or comfortable, seeing on his angels face. Could he even still call him that? Angemon wasn't the type to lie, and if what he saw really was all Tailmon's idea he couldn't hold it against him forever.

“Are you sure? I can still go with you to the hospital...”

“I'm sure. I just need some sleep and I'll feel better in the morning.”

“Do you want me to stay here with you tonight? I can have Taichi grab my things from home so you don't have to be alone.”

“I'm going to be okay, Hikari. I'll have Angemon here with me. And...we should probably talk anyway.” She looks uncertain but stops protesting and stands from her position knelt by his bedside. 

“If you're sure... If you aren't in class in the morning though...”

“I'll be there, you don't have to worry. I'll see you in the morning.” He doesn't have to fake the yawn that overtakes him and she smiles a tight-lipped smile before she leads the other humans from the room. Takeru can hear her rustling around the living room for a few minutes, probably cleaning up their study mess, before the front door opens and shuts behind her. 

He told her that he wanted to talk to Angemon but the ever-understanding angel hovers quietly just outside his personal bubble for the few minutes she is in the apartment before draping a blanket over his dozing lover.

His last though as he fades in to the darkness of his closed eyelids is that he never ate that after-study dinner bento Hikari brought him.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Usual warnings apply, HumanxDigimon, vomit tw and eating disorder content.

Morning comes in to focus what feels like only seconds later. Takeru's disappointment is palpable. He vaguely wonders if he'll ever manage to shake this soul-deep exhaustion that clings to him. But memories of Angemon's worried stare, Hikari's tear-streaked cheeks, have him groaning as he lifts up from the bottom bunk and starts towards his closet in his morning routine. He's a bit surprised he's still wearing the wrinkled top and vomit and snot stained pants he'd worn the day before. He doesn't like the idea that Angemon probably didn't feel comfortable enough to remove them, in light of everything that had happened between them the previous night. He quickly forces away the though and the sickly feeling it attempts to leave behind. The angel digimon isn't in the room, which actually surprises Takeru greatly, though what did he expect when he stole his bed? For his angel to sleep on the floor? He was certainly not going to fit on the top bunk. More guilt bubbles up in him but he pushes it down. Closet. Fresh clothes. Bathroom. 

God, he did not want to do this this morning. He felt so beaten down. But he couldn't give up. Couldn't disappoint Angemon, and Hikari, and all his other friends. He was always such a disappointment, and after the way he worried everyone last night he knows he can't let it happen again today. So he opens the door and grabs a fresh pair of uniform pants, a clean white shirt, and thanks whatever God's are listening that he wasn't wearing his uniform jacket when he decided to collapse in a puddle of vomit.

He doesn't see a point in putting things off any longer so he strides in to the bathroom, hand reaching out of the tap handle when he's barely through the doorway. Hot water splashes the shower drain and he slides the curtain even farther open to let steam start filling the room. He shuts the bathroom door and it's unavoidable. He's alone with this thoughts. He thought facing Angemon would be the hardest part of this, but as he stares at his face reflected in the mirror he is definitely second guessing that.

He knows that after what he's seen he has every right to be upset, to have wavering trust in his angel. In a way that's the problem. _He doesn't._ No, the feelings of anger and confusion and hurt that should be flooding him now that he's gotten some sleep and is finally in a place to be processing them just don't come. In fact, today feels like any other day. Like things with his angel have been perfectly smoothed over and they can continue on like they normally would. That should bother him, right?

But it doesn't. No. But three guesses what _is_ bothering him. The gaunt look of his face in the mirror, somehow hollow cheeked but still too plump in all the wrong places? The dark circles under his eyes, highlighting the tiny fat rolls that lie underneath? Takeru's eyes drift farther down to his vomit splattered shirt and he reaches out and grabs the metal bath tap, clutching it tightly for a few seconds to feel the burn of the hot water rushing through the pipe and take his mind (and his traitorous eyes) off his midsection. He knows better than to get in to that before school. He's already promised Hikari he'd be attending today.

His time for body checks has to come to an end as the mirrors have fogged over from the piping hot water rushing out of the spigot and it's time to get ready for school. He peals off his dirty shirt and ruined pants and tosses them in the bathroom waste bin. They take up the entire bag and he knows he'll have to come empty it soon, but it hardly matters. Sock and underwear are fine so they get tossed in a pile on the floor to be washed later. Its been a while since he's done laundry. It feels like it's been a while since he's done anything.

Mirrors fogged, clothes off. Eyes on the floor, just in case. Deep breath. Fifty point seven kilograms. _Again._. His mind is blank but his stomach feels heavy and sick. Maintaining. Not _good enough._ He steps in to the shower and drags the curtain closed.

-x-

Angemon hovers awkwardly, nervously, out of range as he makes breakfast (a one egg rolled omelet with green onion and a bowl of clear broth with a few bits of added matsutake. Ninety calories) then follows him slowly to the door as he leaves. He hesitates in the small entrance way before trying for a smile as he says “Go and come safely.” The surprise is etched in to his perfect face when Takeru leans up and kisses him goodbye.

“Have a good day.” And with that Takeru is out the door and on his way to school. He should be more concerned about his relationship with Angemon, but right now all he can think of is how the angel's distracted demeanor let him get away without packing a lunch for the day. He knows he should feel bad for thinking it, and he does. Ninety calories. He doesn't like the heavy way the broth sits in his stomach.


End file.
